“Are you going to have another baby?” I get the question almost daily. My quick response is usually a half hesitant “no.” So, I guess my question is, How do mamas decide they are done having babies?
I know this is a hard topic to navigate for almost all mamas. For me, it just seems so final to say no, and so wild to say yes. How do mamas even decide they are okay with being okay with saying they are done having babies? I guess it is probably different for everyone. I am also aware that just being able to have the option to have another baby is a blessing in itself, one I do not take lightly.
My kids are 2 and 4 and we are finally in a groove. Life is fun, and everyone usually sleeps all night (insert confetti and champagne toasts). Speaking of champagne, my husband and I have a life again, dates and trips with and without the kids. It is fun; things are seriously great. It feels silly to want any of that to dissipate.
But a baby. I mean, should I have another baby?
A tiny, snuggly, little person who needs me and who I maybe do not realize I need. Somedays I think about sitting on the couch all day binge watching “How I Met your Mother” while nursing a baby and being fed casseroles from friends. But then I think about the intense hormone changes and anxiety of having a brand new person to nurture.
For my husband, who does have some say, it is a hard “no”, and I respect that. I was so sick when I was pregnant with Edie Lu and so weepy for weeks after (for some different perspective from other dads on this topic, check out this article). He was insanely supportive, but I know it has to be hard to see your partner struggle like that. I also am not a very low key person, so take all that and add some pretty hardy intensity to it.
Then I think about my kids and how excited they would be to have a little brother (I am pretty sure it would be a boy). But would they get the time and energy they need from me? Huck and Edie need me so much right now and I love it. I love being able to give them so much of my attention.
I thought getting my feelings out wold help me personally navigate this decision better, it did not. I guess for now I am still half hesitantly saying “no,” but hoping that one day I find peace in what ever decision I decide to make.