Five Things To Do For Your Wild Child

Miraculously, we seem to be coming out of the wild testy exploding tantrum season of one of our children. This season has been long at its best and demoralizing at its worst. I discovered I could be just as dysregulated as my 2 year old; I could cry just as hard; I needed time outs just as much; ultimately I discovered I had no idea how to parent this child. See, we had three compliant children first. The fourth has been all things defiant. But along the way I also discovered the strongest, kindest, and courageous little boy out there. I know with a “wild child” our hard seasons are far from over, but I feel like we’ve turned a corner and if you have a “wild child” I want to encourage you with five things to do for your wild child…and yourself. So, if you’re in a season of “hold onto your butts” because you have no idea how a certain little person (or, ahem, yourself) will react…then this post is for you!

Strong willed children become strong willed adults and hold fast to their ideals. I try to remember that in our toughest moments, and soak in our beautiful moments. Like this particular morning at the beach. THERE is his beautiful brave soul.

In no particular order, these are my top 5 things I am so grateful I did during this rough season. It’s far from over, but I feel like we’ve laid the ground work for CONVERSATIONS versus conflict (and slamming doors) for the teen years.

1. Go outside: when everything is going sideways go outside.  Push them on the swings as high as they want to go. Play a game of hide and go seek. Go swimming. Walk. Ride bikes. Throw balls. Just go outside and get away from the building frustration in your wildly wired child. Preschoolers NEED 120 minutes PER DAY of physical activity and shouldn’t be “not moving their body” for more than one hour at a time! So, you made play dough with him for 45 minutes and it was an angelic bonding experience but now the play-dough is being launched across the room? It’s time to GO OUTSIDE!
2. Get on his/her level: in the heat of a sibling argument or for an episode of “all the clothes make me feel itchy”, sit or lie down on the floor next to your potentially, flailing child. Just get below their level to remove the feeling that mom (or dad) is the “dictator”. You may not be yelling or putting your hands on your hips, but coming down to the child’s level or sidling up next to a frustrated teen on the couch can break down the obstinate walls and make way for a more civilized moment of understanding and lead to agreement…aka clothing on if it’s absolutely necessary.
3. Give yourself a break: when you feel the tension building and everyone is safe, give yourself a timeout. Go to your room or bathroom and take a deep breath. Reflect on the moment and the outcome you long to see. Calm yourself down so your child can be calm. Did you know our children have mirror neurons in their brains? And they are neurologically wired to simply mirror our behaviors? Let that sink in the next time you feel the frustration growing in yourself. Are you actually calm? It’s helped me so much to realize I can literally change the way my child is behaving by ensuring my behavior is reflecting what I want.
4. Teach Self Control hands: when you have a wild child you desperately need to gently teach them self control. These mountain mover children are strong for a reason. We need them. But they also need to know how to control themselves, and that is our job as their parent to teach them! I stumbled upon this blog post about prepping your little learners for school, and her self control hands idea has been a life saver. For awhile it was a daily occurance that I would have my wild child fold his little hands and take 10 deep breaths when he was on the verge of melting down. Now, he will sometimes do it on his own, or remind me to get self control! 😉
5. Keep reading out-loud to him/her: do not give up on story time. Reading out loud is so important to your child’s development. Just 15 minutes a day can have a profound impact on their bond with you and their future education. For a season my wild child could not sit still. Everyone else could, but not him. I would cry sometimes after story time because I would lose my temper and slam the book shut. I felt disrespected by a two year old…yes I did…and everyone knew it. Finally, I changed tactics. We simply cannot read aloud in a group setting right now. I divide and conquer and now he will happily listen to lengthy age appropriate novels for 10 minutes! Thankfully, the story we read during that hard season is now one of his favorite books. So, miraculously my own temper tantrums didn’t scar him.

While there are a lot of moments I look back on over the last four years raising my first wild child and wince at their memories; these five I do not regret. So take heart mama. Keep plugging along with your persistently defiant child and soon you will have a child that hugs you so tight and tells you regularly that you are “the best mom ever.” I didn’t think it would happen, but it did.

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