*trigger warning: pregnancy loss*
The first time I had to teach my child about grieving we were in an OBGYNs office. I had just learned that we couldn’t find a heartbeat during a sonogram of our second child and in that moment my world seemed to have stop. My son was in the room and he kept asking my husband “what’s wrong with mommy?” I remember looking at him, seeing him stare back at me, scared. I was scared too. At that time I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. He was too young to understand that we were even having another baby or really what any of it could mean. We told him mommy was really sad but she would be okay. – would I? ..I prayed that we would be. At this time of his life, this seemed like the best (possibly the easiest) way to explain grief.
Years later (now two kids ?) my grandmother became sick and the grieving set in with the first phone call. My kids were curious as to why I was so sad, people get sick and get better all the time so they didn’t really understand why this was different.. Thankfully they haven’t had to learn much about cancer yet or how quickly it can take away the people we love.
I looked to my husband for answers about how to answer their questions and we just gave the parenting nod and sat down… “Grandma is sick and she’s in the hospital. We need to go be with her and we need to tell her how much we love her.” “Its important to give Grandpa extra hugs, because he’s going to need them..” Just a few weeks later we were explaining heaven and how Grandma wasn’t in pain anymore – a tough conversation for a child to understand. Through this grieving process, I found strength through protecting their weaknesses. I was honest, I didn’t sugar coat the situation. I did my best to answer all of their questions, including the tough ones because they seemed to understand the honest answers the most. We cried together and they knew it was okay; we were grieving.
They didn’t seem afraid or at all unaware. They seemed to understand the grieving process and when we went through it again a few years later with my Grandfather they knew what to expect. I don’t think it was perfect, because I remember falling apart; but they know who to lean on and they know how to say goodbye. I guess that’s the best we can hope for when learning to grieve.
